Every dating guru says you need to follow the no contact rule to get him back.
A lot of dating advice sucks, though.
Let’s think about no-contact for a minute.
You’re taking a risk, my friend.
Sure, maybe he will spend his days staring at his phone… yearning for it to buzz and see your name…
Or, maybe not. Instead he might just forget about you.
Even worse… during the time when he’s dying to hear from you, he might meet someone else.
Will no contact make him move on? Maybe.
So when should you use the no contact rule?
Answer: it depends.
No Contact After A Breakup: Psychology At Work
No contact is usually used as a strategy to get your ex back.
By not hearing from you, your ex might wonder if you’ve moved on or met another person. And that will make them want you again.
Or so the thinking goes.
It’s just another version of the “grass is greener” syndrome. You want what you can’t have.
It’s powerful stuff. And a lot of times, it works. Sort of.
If he’s the type of guy who changes his mind a lot… guess what. He will probably change his mind about you again once he’s back.
So sure, he could reach out after you go no contact and test the waters with you again.
But the feelings that got him to reach out to you will fade quickly if you’re not careful.
Should You Go No-Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend?
You should be suspicious of any one-size-fits-all solution, and that goes for the “no contact rule”, too.
It always depends on your situation.
First make sure he’s even worth it. That’s the best way to avoid an on-again-off-again relationship.
Don’t get back together at all with the guy who you know will change his mind again.
A lot of times a guy will start feeling lonely after your breakup and then text you because of his loneliness – not because he really regrets losing you specifically.
This will make you miserable in the long run. Guaranteed.
For Mr. Hot-and-Cold it’s permanent no contact.
So after you filter out guys like that, you need to figure out whether no contact makes sense.
Here are some questions to ask yourself:
Will You See Him Again In the Near Future?
If the answer’s yes, then no-contact is less risky for you.
If you have to see him on a regular, no contact is pretty difficult. You’ll have to cut off contact as much as you can, and keep the unavoidable stuff to a minimum.
But if you expect to see him a few weeks from now, you can go no-contact until then and see how you feel when the day comes around.
If you don’t expect to see him anytime soon, an indefinite no contact period could turn in to a permanent no contact.
In those cases, you’ll need to think harder about whether to use no contact.
Did You Initiate The Breakup?
If so, he might think you should be the one to reach out. After all, it was your idea to break up in the first place!
You might have dumped him in part because he wasn’t paying enough attention to you. In that case you could still try no contact for a 30 day period. There’s a good chance he’ll reach out to you during that time to try for another chance.
If he initiated the breakup, not you, then no contact may be in order.
Do You Have More To Say?
Sometimes breakups happen all of a sudden and a lot gets left unsaid. Did that happen with you two?
Maybe you assume he knows how much you care about him, and how much your relationship meant to you… but in reality, he doesn’t.
If you’re the type to hold back your strongest emotions in a relationship, now could be the time to let it out.
In that case, no contact is not the answer. Contact him and communicate as best you can how you truly feel.
You aren’t acting needy if you tell him plainly and confidently.
By the way: if your behavior towards him has been a bit on the needy side lately, no contact is an especially good idea. No contact after being needy is one of the best ways to save face and get back on track.
How Comfortable Are YOU With No Contact?
During your no contact period he might be out dating again. And you never know what could happen.
For some people that’s fine. Let him see what else is out there if he must. The goal is just to get him back, period.
But some of us don’t want to let him back into our lives after he’s been running around with random Tinder girls. So in that case you’ll have to decide after a certain amount of time whether you’re actually still holding out for him during no contact.
In conclusion, going no contact with your ex is an effective strategy depending on the situation. Just be careful, and make sure to honor your own needs.