It seems like phones and social media make relationships a million times harder these days.
But look at it this way: They also expose sketchy guys in ways that weren’t possible 20 years ago. And as painful as it can be, it’s better to spot it and deal with it instead of let it go unnoticed.
When it comes to his phone, it is sometimes hard to spot secretive behavior. Over time, though, you can tell if your husband is secretive with his phone, and you have every right to wonder about it.
Secretive Phone Habits
There are some telltale signs of sketchy, secretive phone behavior.
Some of the are obvious; some of them are subtle. But over time if you see a pattern of more than a few of these, you might start to wonder if he’s hiding something
1. He always puts his phone face down
It’s not a big deal if he sometimes has his phone down. After all, he only has two options here 🙂
But if you’re noticing that he almost always puts his phone face down, it starts to look like he doesn’t want you to be able to see what pops up on his screen.
2. When he uses his phone he turns it so you can’t see the screen
In a relationship with mutual trust, you shouldn’t be doing something on your phone that you wouldn’t want your partner to see. Yet that’s exactly what it looks like if your husband turns so that you can’t see his phone when he’s on it.
3. His phone is always on ‘do not disturb’
This alone doesn’t necessarily mean there’s anything suspicious going on. The ‘do not disturb’ feature is nice when you don’t want to be bothered. But if you notice this in addition to other things on this list, it adds to the idea that he’s hiding something.
4. He won’t tell you his password
If you don’t need his password, you probably don’t need to ask. That could look untrustworthy on your part.
But there are situations when it might be convenient for him to just tell you. For example, if he’s driving and he needs you to look up something on his phone, your husband shouldn’t have a problem telling you his password.
Then again, you might not get to that point, because if he’s really hiding something then he probably won’t even hand you his phone.
5. He won’t hand his phone over to you
We all show each other things on our phones. So if he doesn’t ever let you see his phone – at least not without him holding it firmly (to snatch it back at any moment, perhaps) – it looks sketchy. Is he expecting to get a notification that you he doesn’t want you to see?
6. Notifications are turned off
If he’s trying to hide something and he’s thinking ahead, he might turn notifications off altogether. That way there’s no chance you’ll see something you shouldn’t if you’re looking at it.
There could be another explanation. Sure. But who turns off notifications? Seriously, that’s weird.
7. He won’t tell you who he’s texting
This one is almost a dead giveaway. Unless he is texting people about the surprise birthday party he’s throwing you, there aren’t really any good reasons for him not to tell you.
Now, if you’re asking who he is texting, there’s a chance the two of you already have some trust issues. In that case, communication is key, and he is making it hard by refusing to talk.
8. He uses chat apps that you didn’t know about
Didn’t know your husband uses WhatsApp? Maybe not a big deal. But usually spouses know things like this. It can be a bit shocking to learn that maybe you don’t know everything.
This is by no means a complete list, but you get the idea. All of these things should raise some red flags. So what can you do about it?
What To Do About Secretive Phone Behavior
If you’re already suspicious, it’s going to be hard to just let it go. That means you need to talk about it.
Don’t start with an accusation. Talk to him as if you’re curious about his behavior, without suggesting that he’s up to something.
You can say something like, “it almost seems like you don’t want me to see your phone! Am I crazy?” If he says you’re wrong and pretends like he never hides his phone, simply lay out what you’ve observed.
Same idea if he won’t tell you who he is texting. A married man should not be texting things to other women that he wouldn’t show his wife. You can calmly tell him that you feel bothered by this, and ask him to help you understand why he won’t tell you.
You might get a lot of different possible reactions to this. He might deny that anything is off with his phone usage. Then you have to decide how plausible his denial really is. Is it possible that you’ve read into things too much? Sure, but some men will try to gaslight you, too. The best thing to do is listen to your gut if you’re not sure.
Sometimes the issues with cell phone secrecy are just symptoms of much deeper issues in your relationship. He could be cheating, or he could be hiding some sort of addiction. But in other cases the couples can avoid these types of problems by setting some cell phone rules ahead of time.
Cell Phone Rules For Married Couples
It’s a good idea to talk about expectations for cell phone and social media use as a married couple. Otherwise you might feel suspicious of his behavior when it turns out that the two of you just had different expectations in mind.
The two of you will have to work out questions like, should married couples share their passwords? Do we need to know who each other are talking to at all times? Can we go through the other person’s phone, or is that an invasion of privacy?
Talking about it before any issues come up will lay the groundwork for healthier communication going forward. And as we all know, if there’s anything that makes a marriage work, it’s communication.