Let him come to you after a breakup.
Heard that one before? It’s the advice most people give.
Truth is, he might come back. Or he might not.
Today I’m going to tell you how to cope when the man you love broke up with you.
We will go over what you can do to increase the chance he comes back.
We’ll also talk about how and when to accept that he’s not coming back and move on with your life.
He Broke Up With You: Now What?
It hurts so badly. You’re in shock.
“How could this happen? We were right for each other.”
Being dumped is one of the most painful parts of dating. Your pain could make you want to do something crazy, like smashing his car window or hooking up with his best friend.
But if you want him back, you must resist your worst impulses.
Will He Ever Come Back After Dumping You?
It’s possible. A lot of men come back after some time apart.
Some say that if he still loves you he’ll come back no matter what. I say you still have to play your cards right.
You were in his heart at one point and it could happen again. You just need to use the male psychology when you ignore him to your advantage.
What To Do Immediately After He Breaks Up With You
Do not do anything crazy.
You are feeling a lot of powerful emotions right now. It’s tempting to lash out in your own way.
But if you think there’s a chance he could come back in your life, don’t ruin it here.
Here’s a short list of things you should avoid doing:
- harassing him with endless text messages
- damaging his property
- physically attacking him
- saying mean things about him (if it could get back to him)
- throwing yourself into somebody else’s arms immediately
And it goes without saying that you shouldn’t say something deeply hurtful to him, either. Maybe you want to go for the jugular to make him hurt as bad as he hurt you, but that’s not our goal here.
Instead: focus on taking care of you right now.
That means making sure you get enough sleep. Eat healthy.
Talk to your friends and family about what you’re going through. That’s what they’re there for.
Avoid him if you can. At least for a few days.
What If I Have To See Him?
In some cases you won’t be able to avoid seeing him. How should you act around him then?
Your best is to acknowledge him and be polite. But you don’t have to engage with him more than that.
In fact, if you don’t think you can hold it together when you talk to him, do your best to avoid it.
Even if you two are co-workers or classmates, you can probably minimize your interactions.
Keep in mind: you don’t have to pretend like everything’s fine.
If you want him back, it doesn’t hurt for him to get a glimpse of your pain. It tells him just how much your relationship meant to you.
You don’t need to make a big show of how hurt you are. But you don’t need to hide it, either.
It’s Been A Few Days. Now What?
Here’s where most people will tell you to go “no contact” for a prolonged period.
They say no contact is the best way to get him back, but it’s not that simple.
Sure, sometimes no contact works. It’s not the only way to make your ex miss you like crazy, though.
One thing’s for sure: you should never chase a man after a breakup. But that still doesn’t mean you have to avoid contacting him at all costs.
Confused? Think of it this way:
You want to be on his mind – in a good way. You want him thinking about the amazing times you had together… and wishing he could have them back.
Disappearing altogether might make him think about you for a while. But eventually he’ll stop thinking about you.
Ok, so when do I contact him? And what do I say?
Hold on. We’ll get there. But right now the most important thing for you is to rebuild your own life.
Nothing will make you more attractive to him – and make him want you back – than thriving in your own life.
Reclaim Your Life
I’m not going to try and convince you that things are okay. They’re not.
Still, you can make things better by enjoying your life as much as you can.
Do more of the things that have always made you happy. Spend more time with the people who make you laugh. Try your best to forget about your situation.
Easier said than done, I know. But you have to make an effort.
Because there are two huge benefits to this:
- When you do contact him or see him, you won’t feel desperate. Desperation will only communicate to him that he can have you back anytime he wants, and that’s sure to keep him away (unless he just wants to use you for sex).
- You’re preparing for things not to work out. Remember, no matter what you do, there’s a chance he won’t come back. And it will be so much easier to move on if you’re already living a life you enjoy.
When To Contact Him
The short answer is: when you’re ready.
You should contact him when you think you can do so without falling apart.
If he ignores you… if he makes it clear he’s not coming back… will you still be ok?
Have you taken steps to make your own life happier, even if it doesn’t include him anymore?
Once the answer is yes, and you’ve given it at least a little time, then you’re ready to contact him.
What To Say
There’s a lot you can say.
In fact the better question is what not to say. If you come on too strong – or if you’re too subtle – you can blow it.
I recommend you start slow and warm up if there’s a good vibe. You can say something as simple as “hi, how are you”:
Another good opener is to mention an inside joke between the two of you.
If He Texts You Back…
That’s a good sign! (Assuming his response was positive – or at least neutral.)
Keep things light and playful. If he’s been missing you, just hearing from you will be huge. No need to pour out your heart just yet.
He of course will be wondering why you contacted him. So don’t beat around the bush too long.
The best idea is to meet up in person, so you should ask him if he’s up for that. Then when you’re together you’ll have a chance to talk more.
After some back-and-forth, you can suggest meeting for coffee or a drink. Simple as that.
If you’ve been on his mind a lot, he’ll probably be intrigued.
If He Doesn’t Text You Back…
Time to move on.
There are a lot of reasons why he might not text you back. And someday he may still come back.
But right now you need to accept that it’s over.
Conclusion: Is He Coming Back?
It’s impossible to know for sure.
If you follow this advice then you’ll have done everything you can. It’s up to him to see what he’s missing.
In the meantime, keep taking care of yourself. You’ll be far more attractive to him that way. Plus it will be easier to move on for good if you need to.