You think he’s cheating.
Maybe you just have a hunch. Or you’ve seen something suspicious on Instagram.
If you ask him he just denies it… and accuses you of being insecure.
But still. Something is up.
What are your options?
- Let it go and trust him.
- Try to catch him cheating.
If you can let your worries go and trust him, more power to you.
But for the rest of us…
This guide is all about how to catch him cheating.
Now it’s time to prove it. Then you can finally move on with your life.
Proven Ways To Catch Him
Warning: this isn’t for the faint of heart.
If you want to prove that he’s not being faithful, you’ll probably have to see some things you don’t want to see.
Even if you don’t catch him in the act, it’s still painful to see the evidence that your worst fear is true.
This will hurt. But in the end it’s better to know than to stay guessing.
You also might have to do some things you don’t feel good about. If so, don’t do them! Just know that you will have to keep living with uncertainty.
The following guide will cover several different ways to catch a cheater. Some methods involve his phone. Some are online. And others require an in-person setup.
Some of these will not be a good fit for your situation. But we’ll try to give you enough ideas here that you’ll find something that works for you.
Check The Usual Dating Apps
If he’s cheating, he might be using dating apps and websites to meet his side pieces.
You can check for this fairly easily on sites that let you browse profiles, like Match or OKCupid. Just narrow your search to fit his demographics and see if he’s there.
For swiping apps like Tinder or Bumble, your best bet is to ask somebody who’s already using them to tell you if they see him on there. (These apps only show people who are relatively active, so don’t buy his excuse that he “forgot about his profile”).
You can set up your own Tinder profile but you’ll probably have to use your real self. And then you have to worry about him seeing you first.
Monitor His Phone
There is a 100% chance that his phone has proof he’s cheating. You can use this to your advantage, but you might have to get creative.
Read His Messages (Legally)
Just to make something clear: It’s illegal in the United States to access somebody’s phone without their permission.
If you know how to access his phone, do it at your own risk. If he finds out you’ll have bigger problems than just a cheating boyfriend. We do not recommend you accessing his phone.
Here are some alternatives that are legal, if invasive:
- look over his shoulder when he’s texting, or…
- have a friend get behind him and look, or…
- snap a picture of his phone screen while pretending to look the other way.
Say Something When He Receives A Text
When his phone buzzes at 11:30pm, ask him who is texting him that late.
What’s that, you say? He’ll tell you you’re being insecure?
So what?? You’re right to wonder who is texting your partner that late.
You can ask in a calm and collected way. Try to sound more “curious” than “accusing”.
There could be a perfectly innocent explanation. In which case he should have no problem telling you who’s texting him so late.
If he seems like he’s lying to you, keep asking questions. Under scrutiny, his story will fall apart and his lie will become obvious.
Remember: liars usually stall when they’re answering your question.
You: Who’s texting you this late?
Honest boyfriend: (without hesitation) My brother.
Lying boyfriend: What do you mean, who’s texting me? W-why do you ask?
If he seems like he’s buying time while thinking of a “good” answer, you should be suspicious.
Some men will come clean once they get caught in a lie like that. In which case you will have your answer.
Other guys will double down and deny that they’re up to anything. Don’t worry – you can still catch him another way.
Should You Use Cell Phone Tracker Apps?
It’s not worth facing up to 20 years in federal prison.
Not only is it illegal to track his phone, it is tough logistically. You actually need to install a tracking app on his phone, which would either mean accessing his phone without him knowing (illegal) or getting him to download it himself (not happening).
A legal alternative is to try using the Find My Friends if he has an iPhone. You can track his location that way. But he needs to have it activated. And there’s a chance he could have it activated without even realizing it. It’s worth a look.
Deep Web Searches
You’ve probably Googled him a thousand different ways, but that only tells you so much.
Some companies offer “deep web” searches to give you a bunch of personal information about somebody.
For a fee you can get info such as:
- current and past addresses
- marriage and divorce records
- arrest and criminal history
- social media profiles
In some cases they can also track down dating profiles, but only if he allows his profile to be searched publicly. Most users of Match.com, for example, do not have their profiles public, but there are some exceptions. So you probably won’t find much new using these services.
Still, if you’re leaving no stone unturned, give it a shot. I recommend Truthfinder, which seems to have the best consumer reputation among the various companies.
Deep web searches are legal, as they only give you information that’s already publicly somewhere on the web. (They’re just better at tracking it down.)
Use Social Media
Just like you can’t access his phone without permission, you can’t log in to his social media profiles without permission – even if you know his passwords.
That makes things difficult. But you can still find damning evidence if you look carefully.
You’ve probably already done this: see whose pictures and posts he likes on Facebook and Instagram. And see who is liking his.
If you see a pattern where he consistently likes someone’s pictures – especially the pictures that are meant to look all sexy – you might have found who he’s cheating with.
Now look at that person’s profile. There might be even more suspicious activity on there.
It’s still unlikely you’ll find hard evidence from social media profiles alone. But you can use social media for more than just stalking profiles.
“Slide into his DMs”
This method won’t help you if you’re worried about him cheating with someone specific, but it can tell you if he would even consider cheating on you. Isn’t that worth finding out?
It’s simple: get an attractive person to send him a flirty private message. See how he responds and how far he takes it. (This works best on Instagram.)
You can use an attractive friend of yours, but that’s risky. If he knows your friend then he might be suspicious. Either your friend will have to really convince him that they’re into him, or it has to be somebody whom he doesn’t know that you’re friends with.
Or you can set up a fake profile yourself and fill it with photos of an attractive woman. The challenge is making it look real and believable. You’ll obviously have to find lots of pictures of the same person and post them over time so it looks like a real Instagram.
Whichever way, start by sending flirtatious messages. If he flirts back, see if he’s down to meet. If he agrees to meet – and it’s obvious that it’s a romantic thing – then you’ve caught him.
Set Him Up In Person
Using dummy social media accounts is effective, but you can do the same thing in person for even more proof.
You’ll set him up the same way they do it in To Catch A Cheater: have an attractive person hit on him. See how he responds.
It’s really simple. He’s out-and-about somewhere, and a hot “stranger” approaches him. The stranger tells him he’s cute, asks if he’s single, and sees if he wants to exchange numbers and meet up.
Make sure the stranger is somebody you actually know and trust. Get them to fill you in on how it went afterwards. If he denied having a girlfriend and agreed to exchange numbers, you’ve got yourself a cheating boyfriend. Or at least a would-be cheater.
Now, if he turns the stranger down, it’s reassuring. It doesn’t mean you’re totally in the clear, of course. But if he’s the cheating type, and the stranger is hot enough, then he’s probably going to pursue it.
In most cases, you can legally follow someone without them knowing. But be careful: if you do it wrong it can cross the line into harassment or stalking, which are illegal.
Some common sense tips:
- follow from a distance
- use a different car
- cover yourself as much as you can (without looking conspicuous)
- have a story prepared in case he notices you
Word of caution: if you catch him in person, don’t do something you’ll regret.
You will probably be extremely emotional. Yes, you’ll want to unleash fire and fury on the both of them. But being emotional won’t hold up in court.
Use a Private Investigator
If you don’t want to do any of this, you can hire a PI. It’s expensive and still has it’s risks, but this way you won’t have to do the dirty work yourself.
Besides, you are probably not a master detective. If you mess up and your boyfriend realizes what you’re doing, it could be a big problem. If he’s not actually cheating on you, you could end up losing a great guy.
If you can afford it, a private investigator will do a thorough job without your boyfriend ever knowing.
Your PI might use a combination of the above tactics, or some even sneakier things.
Is it legal to hire a PI? Yes, in the United States it is. The PI has to make sure that their methods comply with the law, too, so find somebody who seems to have a long track record of helping people legally.
What To Do When You Catch Him
I’ll say it again: do NOT do anything crazy, like assault him or destroy his property. Yes, he deserves it, but you could find yourself in big trouble with the law.
It’s also important to preserve your dignity. Is this cheater really worth getting this worked up over? Do you want him to see you in such a frenzied, emotional state?
I get it… you want him to feel as bad as you do.
But it’s better to confront him calmly. Wait until you’ve had a chance to take some deep breaths. Perhaps take a day or two for yourself before you talk to him. Whether you want to forgive and move on, or leave him, it’s better to talk about it when you aren’t extremely upset.
Or, you can ghost him entirely. Even lousy cheaters feel awful when they get ghosted.
You’re in a tough situation.
You suspect he’s cheating on you, and you want to know for sure. But finding out the truth can be traumatizing.
Confirming that your boyfriend is running around behind your back might give you much-needed closure.
Just do it safely and follow these tips. Good luck.